Saturday, September 18, 2004

Still brain weary...

...but I'm hanging in there. I slept in this morning until 12 noon...I didn't realize how tired I was! But I guess it didn't help that I stayed up until 3:30 am loading music from CDs onto our home computer for transfer to my iRiver. I swear, how did I live all this time without an mp3 player? That thing is SO cool! I switched out 25 songs on the thing without so much as a blink...took about three minutes. Ah, the wonders of modern technology!

I'm sad that I didn't stitch last night though. I was just too exhausted. All I wanted to do was vegetate, so I laid on the bed in our bedroom with Gabby and watched the rest of American Wedding (I forgot about some of the really gross parts of that movie, especially the whole truffle incident!) and then got a second wind to go load music.

So today is pretty much my day until I collapse from exhaustion. Right now, I'm blogging and loading more music. I just realized we're out of milk, so I'm faced with egg whites and toast for breakfast, and then I want to walk my dogs and start working. After I work for a few hours, I'm calling it quits, heading to the gym for a back and bis workout, and then quiet stitching for the remainder of the evening. I also really need to do some laundry in a bad way!

Just one meme for today...The Weigh It Is. I'm not particularly interested in any of the other subjects today (even though Something for Saturday is back in action at last!) and this is the only one I really feel like talking about. It kind of reminds me that my distorted body image, while under the surface, is still there. I got a shirt this week at work for getting a 4.0 file on another file(that was audited by my boss and our office manager) and I had asked for a medium size. My first thought when I unfolded it was, "Oh, that's never going to fit." I really was not convinced until I got home that night and tried it on.

How would you describe your everyday clothing style? What is your favorite piece of clothing? What type of clothing do you avoid the most? Why? Does your weight influence the way you shop?

My everyday clothing style is very plain but classic. I tend to avoid prints and stripes and florals and just stick with basic solids. My shirts are plain t-shirts or collared shirts like Polos and my pants are chino-style or jeans. I have two pair of corduroy pants, and that's about as exotic as I get. My favorite piece of clothing is a pair of very form-fitting black Docker pants with no pockets. I always feel so thin and lean when I wear those. The type of clothing that I avoid the most is the clothing that is ultra-trendy or just trying to be stuff with zippers, wild prints, stuff like that. I like to wear my stuff over and over again without worrying that it is going to go out of style. I also avoid very tight paper-thin t-shirts...I wear the tiny fit ones from Old Navy but even those have some give to them. I just don't like feeling like I look like the Michelin tire man when I sit down and those tight thin t-shirts just show every roll and bit of fat on your midsection. No thanks.

And now the big question, does my weight influence the way I shop? Absolutely. I dress for my figure. Let me repeat, I DRESS FOR MY FIGURE. One of the things that irritates me to no end are the people that are clearly heavy but dress like they are waif models. They will wear pants that are two sizes too small and shirts that are two sizes too tight because they don't want to accept that they are gaining weight and thus the tight clothes push their fat to their midsection and they walk around looking like they've got a spare tire on between their shirt and pants. Look in a mirror, people. You don't want to see your fat and no one else does either. A lot of teenagers are guilty of doing this now, I've noticed. When I was obese, I dressed for my figure. I increased my pant size every time I needed to so my clothes weren't tight. I bought large shirts and sweaters with prints so that it wasn't obvious that I was overweight, and it's the reason why there were lots of people that say, "Oh, I guess I just never noticed that you were obese before." Exactly. I hid it, and hid it well! Now that I'm not obese anymore (I won't use the word thin), I still find myself dressing for my figure. I am a dead-on size 10, but I wear size 12s so they don't look painted on. I wear comfortable shirts that aren't painted on either. But the one thing that has not changed is my love for black. I always wore black when I was heavy to slim me down, and I still find myself choosing that color for the same reason. Last week when I went to our company meeting, I wore all black clothing, and was reminded every time when I stepped into the restroom why I do. I just feel thinner in black.

I did read in a lot of the entries on that meme site that a lot of the girls look forward to the day when they can walk into a shop and try on anything and it will fit. I remember very well when I reached that day (even though I'm not quite at goal yet), and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. That feeling is what kept me going for all those months when things were happening so slowly. I remember saying for months, "All I want to be able to do is shop somewhere not named Lane Bryant." All I can say to all the girls (and guys) out there that are struggling with weight loss is that you have to stick with it. It's a very long process, but if you will really stick with it and be true to yourself and remember what it is that you want, the rewards that you will reap will be those that are neverending. Yes, losing weight sucks. Going to the gym every day and eating like a health freak sucks. But as long as you realize that you won't always have to be so strict, there will be some light at the end of the tunnel for you. I promise.

And with that, I better call my therapist! She called last weekend and I still haven't called her back! Eep!

I hope everyone has a truly wonderful weekend...thanks for stopping by.


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