Saturday, August 27, 2005


P got a call yesterday at work that his mom's condition is deteriorating rapidly and she is shutting down. Can't speak, can't eat, can't walk. We rushed right over there to be with her and with the rest of his family.

They brought in a hospice bed last night to move her into soon, and in a few days, they are going to bring in a hospice nurse to monitor her vital signs, but it doesn't look like she is going to last very much longer. Her mother died in the same manner, and the time line after this happened was about a week. She has good color and looks very beautiful, but she is losing weight quickly and just looks so frail and weak.

We are still going to do the 4D ultrasound just in case she wakes up long enough for us to show it to her, but no one is really hopeful.

I know it doesn't help matters to be angry, but I am SO ANGRY at my brother and sister in law, R and M. These are the ones that just had a baby a few months ago. Since my niece was born, hardly anyone has seen her, including my MIL, and last night when my brother-in-law M called R to tell him what was going on and suggest that R find someone to cover his shift at work, not only did R not do it, but there was no sign of M either. And M's two other kids barely know my MIL. They live less than twenty minutes away. It just makes me SO ANGRY that SHE had the choice to let her kids know their grandmother...something my kids will never ever get the opportunity to do. All they will hear is our memories of her. And it makes me so sad to realize that there is no hope and all the things that we will never get to do again with her. No more holiday dinners. I'll never make her any more special desserts. She'll never see our house or our dogs. She'll never get to see her youngest daughter get married.

And all any of us can do now is just wait for the end. At least she has some sort of a sense of humor left. She woke up last night briefly before P and I got there and when she saw the family all sitting in the room with her, she asked, "Am I dead yet?" It made everyone chuckle. Nothing brings us all together faster than something like this, that's for sure.

I know that she's ready. She's been ready to go for a long time. And it'll be such a relief to know that she's not in pain and not suffering anymore. It's the rest of us that aren't ready.

Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes. I'll keep you posted.


Blogger Christine said...

(((Erica and P)))

8:38 AM  
Blogger Rani said...

Oh, Erica. =( I have no words. Only hugs. =(

9:51 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Hugs Erica. I went thru this with my Mom in March. The 3 of us kids divided the day up so that one of us was always there for her and my dad. It was hard to watch her suffer but we knew she was ready to die and knew she would be with Jesus soon. The funeral was more a celebration of her life as everyone had said goodbye during her last week.

7:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erica, I was so sorry to read your post. My thoughts and prayers are with you, P, and your family.


8:12 PM  
Anonymous Phyllis in MD said...

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through now. It must be devastating, when this is supposed to be one of the happiest times in your life (being pregnant with your first child). May it help to know that many thoughts and prayers are with you.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Valerie (grvlgal) said...

{{{{hugs}}}} My thoughts are with you guys.

7:51 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Big HUGS from me. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't. It just sucks. I love you very much.

4:58 AM  

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